The Post-Chemo Jitters

Ah, gotta love ‘em – the post-chemo jitters, which I’m pretty sure are chemo-induced. I have them for the first several days after every treatment. They are the worst after the carboplatin/Gemzar cocktail, but the Gemzar by itself sets them off, too.

Since I’m already prone to anxiety (can you say PTSD?), I find this jumpiness extra disconcerting. I find it hard to concentrate on much of anything, especially reading. I’ve been watching a lot of TV, although I have been getting bored with it.

Fortunately, the jitters are fading a bit today, and I think I’ll feel even better tomorrow.

I have one more cycle (i.e., two more treatments) of chemo to go! I’m looking forward to getting back to a normal routine, such as going back to work and attending church more regularly. Of course, I’m also worried about my PTSD reemerging (the other type of post-chemo jitters), but this time I know that this type of reaction is both possible and normal, and I have supports in place to deal with it.

Feeling Less Than Optimal (but still an improvement over the previous week)

The last seven to ten days have been a struggle. I've been having trouble with nausea from chemo. Just when I started to feel better, I had to have chemo again (yesterday). This was the shorter one, and they gave me a stronger anti-nausea drug prior to the Gemzar. I've also altered the anti-nausea drugs I'm taking at home. So although I’m feeling less than optimal, I'm still feeling better than I have.

I continue to experience flu-like symptoms such as muscle aches and extreme tiredness. I had a day or two reprieve from that earlier in the week, but today, I took a three hour nap (this after sleeping from about 10 last night to 9 this morning).

I have to admit, I’ve been a bit down emotionally, with the nausea and tiredness and all. I was really down on Wednesday, because I knew I had chemo on Thursday, and I was just starting to feel better physically. My mood is better today, mostly because the nausea is better under control. And I’m trying to keep in my mind that next week is my week off from chemo, so I’ll be able to enjoy some days when I feel pretty good

Feeling Normal

I am happy to report that I am feeling much better than I did when I wrote the previous blog entry. The nausea went away and I’m feeling stronger. I was even able to go out by myself for awhile yesterday.

This is my week off from chemo, so I am looking forward to living a relatively normal life. I’ll still sleep more than I normally do. I’ll still have to rest periodically throughout the day. But I’m not likely to need any naps, unless I attempt something really strenuous. And I should be able to eat more or less normally.

I have not been back to work since my surgery. Part of me really wants to return to work, because being at work makes me feel more normal (there’s that word again). During my last round of chemo, I was able to work part-time. For every three week cycle, I was able to work for about a week and a half, for about four or five hours per day. At that time, being at work reminded me that I am an adult, a contributing member of society.

This time, however, my chemo cycle is set up differently: I get treatment two weeks out of three. So far, week one of the cycle knocks me back a good week; week two, nearly as long. So I’m looking at, maybe, a week of work out of every three. And the effects of chemo tend to be cumulative, so that window may very well shrink by cycles five and six. I miss my friends at work, and I miss feeling useful (and yes, I miss my paycheck). But returning to work during chemo may not be a realistic option.

More than you want to know about post-chemo symptoms

The following was originally written on Monday, July 30, 2007.

It has been a rough week. I started out feeling weak and achy from chemo. I finally started to feel a bit better, and of course, it was time for more chemo.

This last treatment was just the Gemzar. By itself, Gemzar does not usually cause nausea, but tell that to my stomach.

TMI WARNING: avert your eyes if you don’t want to read about the details of a cancer-patient’s life.

On Thursday evening, after treatment that afternoon, I vomited. Never before has chemo made me do that. It was awful, like one of my worst fears coming true. I was so afraid that once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Fortunately, more Compazine did bring relief. Nevertheless, it was one of the most frightening times of my chemo career.

As you might expect, my diet has been extremely limited since Thursday. The first two days I stuck with chicken soup, Gatorade, popsicles, and water.

Oh yeah, and in the middle of all this, some uncomfortable symptoms led me to believe that I might have a UTI. So I had to make yet another trek to Fairview to give a urine sample. Turns out I have a bladder infection.

So it has been just a barrel of fun here.

After the Needle is Out

I am so very tired. This is so reminiscent of having the flu. Exhaustion, muscle aches.

Actually getting treatment is a mixed bag. I have a medi-port this time, so hooking into my vascular system is a breeze. On the other hand, during the last set, one of my pre-meds was Benadryl, which made me relaxed and groggy, and made the first couple hours of the infusion go really quickly. Once the IV was started, I kinda liked getting the chemo.

I think for this go-around with chemo, I am dreading treatment more, because I know how I will feel afterward. And overall, I’d have to say that I feel worse this time. Last time, I think I was more wiped out. While I am plenty tired this time, I think I am more achy.

And even though I know that these days shall pass, I am frustrated and afraid that they won’t. I’m also resentful that I have to go for treatment two weeks in a row. I’m pretty sure it is the Gemzar that is affecting me more, and it is the Gemzar I get twice in a row.

What is equally maddening is that I am having trouble falling and staying asleep.

I can’t think of any grand lessons I’ve learned so far. Maybe some will come to me when I am in my “off” week. But I’m sure I’m learning something.

What am I thinking?

So what am I thinking? Lee, in a comment, reminded me “don't forget to tell us about the thoughts you are having as well as how you feel.”

The truth is that right now, most of my focus and energy goes toward what I am doing and feeling physically, especially when I am immediately post-chemo, as I am right now. I’m mostly aware of being tired and achy, like having the flu (a lot) and a bit queasy (at times). I am frustrated with the flu-like symptoms, and resentful that I have to take naps. Nevertheless, if I need a nap, I take one – it is not like my body gives me much of a choice anyway.

Lee also asked: “So, are you seeing any different paths and byways on this second journey through chemo than you did on the first trip through?”

So far, yes, I have – but I am too tired to write about them this time. Perhaps in a few days.

The [Chemo] Cycle of Life

I guess blogging is more compelling when I don’t feel well than when do. Before today, I had a great week. Today, I had chemo, so I’m not feeling so great. Ah, the [chemo] cycle of life.

Let me tell you a little about the past week. I was feeling really good over the past several days because last week was my off week for chemo. I got out a little bit on Thursday, when a friend from church took me to lunch, and then to a magazine/newspaper/comic book store. I had a doctor appointment on Friday (just routine), and then my parents and I went out to dinner. On Saturday, I went to a party, which was an item I purchased at my church's service auction last year. The host of the party makes his own wine, and he had a peach/apricot wine that was sweet, but not too sweet. Of course, I was careful to drink only a bit, as I already have enough drugs coursing through my system!

On Sunday, I spent the afternoon with my brother (who just finished his Associate of Arts degree), helping him with his resume, and getting it posted on Tri-C's site and on Monster. Tuesday, I had to go to Fairview for a blood draw, but afterward, I went to Brueggers for some bagels.

As far as the car accident described in my last entry, I am just fine, but my car had $1,700 worth of damage, which in the scheme of things is not all that bad. Fortunately, I do have full coverage, so I'm out only $250 (at least in the short term). I got my car back today (although I didn’t drive it – it’s not good for me to drive right after chemo). The car looks good, like nothing happened to it. I definitely recommend Sirl's Automotive (http://www.sirlsauto.com)

I found out the other day that CVS filed a claim against my insurance. They claim I damaged some of the bricks in the wall I hit. I visited CVS yesterday to examine the damage up close, and I think they are full of it. As far as I could see, the only damage the wall sustained was some paint from my bumper. To the left of where I hit, a few bricks had broken facings, but I highly doubt I was the cause. Oh well, there is nothing I can do to change it. CVS will get some bricks repaired on my insurance’s dime.

As I mentioned above, I had chemotherapy today. Today is Day 1 of Cycle 2, so I got Gemzar (http://www.gemzar.com) and carboplatin (http://health.yahoo.com/drug/d00185a1) . So far, I’m not feeling too bad – just a little loopy and a tiny bit queasy. Unfortunately, I’ll be feeling worse before I feel better. As the weekend wears on, I will likely be feeling wiped out, leaving me with the achy, tired kind of feeling reminiscent of the flu. I'll also continue to be a little queasy, even with the anti-nausea drugs. However, with the first cycle, I seemed to bounce back fairly well. We'll see how it goes this time. Unfortunately, the effects of chemo do tend to be cumulative. On the plus side, my infusions are not as long as the previous time. Last time, infusions took five hours. This time, the infusion on Day 1 of the cycle takes about 2 to 2.5 hours, and the infusion on Day 8 takes about an hour.

As always, I thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers and good wishes. I couldn’t get by without them.

fun with cars

I opened my eyes at 7:00 AM this morning. These days, I am all the more appreciative of opening my eyes every morning, but as I said yesterday, I've been waking up way too early in the morning since I started chemo. Today was the latest I slept in a few weeks.

And I felt good, too. Really good -- well okay, not pre-chemo good, but good nonetheless. I was rather chipper. So I decided to run an errand this morning. I planned to run into CVS and drop of a prescription (my new hobby) and then got to the library for a while. Unfortunately, I did not plan to run my car into CVS. So much for going to the library.

Now before you all have a panic attack, I did not knock a hole in the building. The worst the wall sustained was a little of the paint from my bumper. My car is in worse shape than the wall, but appears repairable. I bent the passenger-side bumper, and knocked out the headlight and turn signal. And I may have done some undercarriage damage, since I rode up over the parking bumper and sidewalk.

Now, how did I do this, you wonder? I wish I knew exactly. I was cruising into my usual parking place, when suddenly I find myself accelerating rather than decelerating. It seemed as though my foot slipped off the brake pedal and onto the accelerator.

My safety belt did an admirable job, but my one worry was that the belt was covering my barely week-old medi-port. I checked in with my doctor's office, and they think I'm fine. I haven't had much more than a bit of aching. I'm going in for blood work on Thursday anyway, but if I need to, they will see me before then.

So, it has been an interesting day (what is about that Chinese curse? I hope you live in interesting times?) Hope your day had been dull! ;-)

Too Early to be Clever

It is nearly 6 AM. Here I am, hunkered down in bed with my laptop. I almost feel like some sort of dedicated professional writer.

Except for the fact that I’m not. I’ve been up for over an hour, but now out of dedication. I’ve been up because I can’t sleep. Ever since I started chemo again two weeks ago, my sleep schedule has been off. I wake up at 4 or 5 AM and roll around for an hour or two. I try sleeping in my recliner for an hour (if I’m lucky). Then I finally get up, eat, wander around the house, and perhaps fall asleep a little later in the morning. If I’m lucky.

Sleep was elusive the last time I had chemo, too, especially at first. I think it got better as time marched along, but I’m not sure if my body got used to it, of if I was simply getting so worn down from the treatment that sleep won out over restlessness.

I’m not quite sure why I am so restless. Part of it is emotional, sure. But I think that part of it is simply the drugs themselves.

Well, this program keeps locking up on me, so I think I’ll try to get this posted.

3rds and 4ths and 5ths

Hope you all had a good Independence Day. I was a little tired on the the 4th, because I had a minor procedure to insert a medi-port on the 3rd. Everything went well, although the site is still rather sore. On Thursday, I got to use the port for the first time for a blood draw and chemo. Wow, what a difference! Sure, it hurt to get the port started, but it was a one shot deal. Once it was in, it was in. And the difference with the Gemzar was amazing. Gemzar is the drug I have to get twice in a 21-day cycle. On day 1, I got it in my arm, and oh my, did it hurt. Getting Gemzar in my port yesterday (which is in my jugular vein) was nearly nothing. I couldn't believe the difference.

As for as the 4th itself, it was nice. My brother and his wife had us and her sister's family over for a barbecue. Mike made ribs and chicken, which were really good. We brought three cheese freezes (that is what we call no-bake cheese cake) -- one plain, one peanut butter, and one that had a layer of plain cheese freeze but also a layer of pumpkin custard. Yum-o (yes, I'll own up to the Raytard I am).

Karen's niece is nearly 14 months now and is walking. It was interesting to watch the dogs interact with her (and Mike and Karen really did keep an eye on that). Mickie the American Eskimo was largely unfazed by her. Spud the lab mix, on the other hand, was both frightened and jealous of her.

I've been kind of off today, with the chemo yesterday. In fact, it is nearly time for my next dose of Compazine (let's hear for those anti-nausea drugs!) I'm also rather tired, with those flu-like symptoms. I hope to be feeling better in a couple days. This coming week is my off week for chemo, so maybe I can enjoy a few decent days.

a whine

This is just a whine, something I didn’t indulge in much during my last trip through cancer land. This time, I’m going to try to indulge it a bit, but also not go too overboard.

You know, I’m feeling kinda crappy. Not horrible, horrible, but just kind of crappy. Damn chemo. I can’t believe that I have to go through this shit again. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. My stomach is starting to be a little queasy.

I’m also irritate because I just loaded my WebEasy5 program on my newer laptop, and it doesn’t want to work correctly. I should just pony up $50 for a new one already. Most of my content should still be good, especially the stuff that is in PDF.

I’m sick of sitting of sitting, I’m sick of being in a recliner, I’m afraid to lay down (lie down?). Grrr. And my new mediport has been irritating me. On the plus side, it make getting chemo a lot easier.

be careful what you wish for

Almost a year ago, I wrote about missing chemo. Well guess what? I'll get another crack at it! Two and a half weeks ago, I had surgery for a recurrence of ovarian cancer. I'm happy to say the tumor was successfully removed, but I do have to undergo more chemo. Ugh!