I’m back!
Wow, I haven’t written for this blog since 2009, during
which I had cancer for the third time. I’m happy to report that I am NOT in
cancer treatment right now – I just feel moved to write again.
Last Sunday, we had our annual Pride Service at church,
which I participated in as the Worship Associate. The service highlighted both
queer anger and the love that is at the center of it. Our minister, who is a
wonderful ally, gave a powerful, fiery sermon. It was really affirming and
brought many in the congregation to tears. At the end of the sermon, our
minister affirmed that we LGBTQIA+ folks are loved – that she loves us, our congregation
loves us, the divine loves us. There were also two poems read really well by
two young trans folks in our congregation. And the service ended with a glitter
blessing, which I helped to administer, that I found really meaningful.
That service stayed with me all week and got me thinking a
lot about the people in my life who say they love me, especially some members
of my extended family. I can’t help but wonder if they really do. There are
some whom I know are Trump supporters. How can they say them love me and at the
same time support a regime (and I use that word on purpose) that is so cruel
and harmful to queer people?
Although I do have to admit, I’ve never come out
specifically to my extended family. I assume some of them know that I am gay
because I’ve posted things on Facebook that clearly indicate that I am,
including clips of myself preaching my truth in church. So I’m sure some of
them have caught on. But I don’t talk about myself as queer when I see them.
Part of that is that it is hard to bring it up casually when
you are single. I can’t refer in passing to my girlfriend or wife. And part of
it is a reticence to rock the boat in the family. I don’t think my parents
would particularly like it if I were more open.
I remember when I was growing up, my parents were always
very private about their political leanings, except with a few chosen people.
My parents always said that how you vote is private and personal, and you
shouldn’t discuss politics with anyone except those closest to you. Same, to a
lesser degree with religion. I mean, we did acknowledge that we were Catholic
and involved with our church. But discussing your deep beliefs? Nope.
I can’t help but wonder if this way of thinking and acting
hasn’t added to our inability as a nation to calmly discuss differenced in
political and religious belief. I also wonder what my parents make of me now. I
don’t think they really like it when I am “out.” I remember when I first
started this blog and the website that I once had, my mom said to me, “Dad said
that you are out on your website?” in a disapproving way.
I know that part of this is fear for what could happen to
me. There are people who would have no qualms about hurting me or killing me
for being queer. But I think part of this is also discomfort with what people –
especially extended family – might think.
But back to the extended family. I suspect that what they
love is memories of me as a little kid. Most of them don’t really know me as an
adult. I suspect that if they did, they wouldn’t love me quite as much.
